I feel like no one ever talks about the imposter syndrome that comes with being in engineer or stem related classes. I genuienly
feel like I've accomplished nothing depsite being in my third year of uni. The classmates I hang out with are so smart and they
understand everything immediately while even after days of asking questions and studying and researching it just doesn't make sense
completely. One kid was a freshman in digital logic design, a class I struggled with SO bad. The TA for that class graduated highschool
the same year as me and got a grant in highschool for some research or app thing. That stuff came almost naturally to my lab partner
too.
I feel that its gotten especially worse recently because I'm at the progression in my degree where I can be a TA or assistant or tutor for
the bigger classes and ahhh I hate saying "I can't" but when I see someone scan my breadboard I realize I wouldn't be able to do that in time
to actually be helpful if I was a TA. Circuits was always 'hyped' as a terrible awful evil class that made so many people drop out and change
their majors. I ended up with an A. It means nothing in my brain and my moms. It feels like I faked the A that I still don't understand circuits
enough to warrent an A.
I hope this all makes sense, there's probably imposter syndrome everywhere in all majors and professions I just feel so alone because everyone is
atleast good at Acting that they know what's going on in class. I was looking over my transcript and it just made me feel awful I saw so many As
but they're nothing impressive it feels like, even in the 'harder classes' (I mean I get my fair share of Bs and Cs too, just enough to keep my
scholarship lol.)
On another note, My Moon My Man got extremely popular after I used it in the last entry (not that it wasn't before) but now I just can't stand hearing it
I need a break so bad from the song but I'm just endlessly reminded of my diary entry lmfaooo. Also I got so much Zhongli merch.
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